Sick...Or Something

Sorry for the lack of blogging. I haven't been feeling well. It started last week with a bad mood and turned into some vague stomach ailment that never gets quite bad enough to allow me to feel legitimately sick but never gets better enough to make me feel normal. I'll be painfully hungry but unable to think of anything I want to eat. Then when I do eat it causes nausea and tummy rumblings for a few hours. Some other symptoms:

Depressed mood, as evidenced by fight with boyfriend, being convinced boyfriend will leave me because I start fight, convinced I deserve to be left, desperate wait for boyfriend to reassure me that he still loves me after fight that I started, and a trip to the bookstore to buy You Just Don't Understand while I wait. And also...realizing I must be neurotic if I am being neurotic about whether I am neurotic.

Doing nothing and avoiding everyone all weekend. I did nothing but read all day on Sunday, and when I got tired of reclining I would get up and rearrange furniture for awhile before hitting my book again. In general, I just wanted to hide in my cave all weekend.

Bad dreams...weird nightmare dreams.

A stomach that can't decide if it's hungry or lacking appetite, if it wants to let me go bam-bam or not, if it wants real food or junk food. It certainly has been talking a lot this weekend.

Bad feelings about my body and a lot of unnecessary stress about my workout routine and whether I have gained weight or not over the last couple of weeks. Seriously, I can't believe I am spending time worrying over this. I keep telling myself to GET A GRIP but it's a symptom of the depressed mood, I think. Beating myself up. It's unfortunate.


Anyway, I don't feel good. And it is making withdrawn. Strangely, I am really withdrawn from my online world as well. I haven't wanted to be on my computer at all.

I am trying to get better. I tried kettlebell class tonight and only made it for about5 minutes before I quit. I just didn't have anything in me. Now I am home trying to convince myself that the ONLY way I will get better is to eat more ice cream. And a few cookies.